Please describe your childhood item(s) and significance (how you got it, what you used to do with it, how it makes you feel, if it has a name, etc.) :  I have an ornament of a little stuffed dog in a Santa hat. When I was a toddler my parents gave him to me before Christmas, and I remember that Christmas Eve I sat awake in bed anticipating the next morning, all while clutching that little dog. There's a button on his back that made his cheeks light up red while he'd bark "Merry Christmas! Woof woof!" and I would press it over and over and over again, watching him glow under the darkness of my blanket. Not sure why, but I never named him. Eventually he moved from my toy box to ornament storage, and even though his button doesn't work anymore, every year I pull him out and remember what it felt like to be a little kid so excited to wake up the next morning I couldn't fall asleep.

Where did you grow up? : United States, Arkansas, in the Ozark Mountains

Please describe yourself as a child: I was quiet in school, but at home I could be a chatterbox. I met my best friend in pre-school, and we would spend hours talking on the phone together, taking online quizzes and talking about school. I loved to read and excelled at English, but school was sometimes distressing because of how horrible I was with math and PE. My parents nicknamed me "space cadet" because I daydreamed constantly. I dressed girly and had long brightly dyed hair from ages 9 - 12, but internally I identified as a "tomboy." This didn't mean I felt tough - I was a scaredy-cat who felt nervous walking through halloween isles in department stores. I remember spending a middle school halloween party feeling on edge because the teacher put haunted house sound effects on and the moaning and clanking chains were too eerie for me. However, I was also incredibly drawn to "spooky" things, especially vampires. When I wasn't reading I pretended I was a vampire, or that my Webkinz were vampires who lived in a secret society. I also had an "all about vampires" book that I read over and over in elementary school. It was as graphic as could be while still being age-appropriate, and I was fascinated by its horrifying descriptions of Countess Bathory and Vlad the Impaler. Once I outgrew that book, I found a similar feeling when walking through the horror isle in my town's remaining video rental, peering at DVD covers but being too scared to actually rent anything.

Please describe your childhood and early family life: I was an only child, but I seldom felt lonely because my parents deeply cared for me and would take me out with them whenever they could. We were lower-middle class so I rarely got to go on any big trips, but we would often go camping nearby with my parents' friends. Their friends also had kids my age and we spent a lot of time together by the river, perched on pieces of fallen bluff, mixing crushed "sandrocks" and water into paste for painting faces. I didn't have a large extended family because both of my parents had moved to Arkansas from other states. However, my mom's brother, his wife, and their kids lived nearby. Both of my cousins are younger than me, and so sometimes my mom would drive me down the dirt road to their house so I could babysit. We'd chase each other around the yard, and I'd pretend to get tired so they could catch up to my longer legs. We'd also celebrate 4th of July together, and it was fun to watch the amazement of my little cousins to the fireworks.

Did you experience any spiritual/religious influence in your childhood? : I was raised nonreligious. I'm not sure if my dad labels himself but my mom is a secular Buddhist. I lived in a quite religious, majority protestant area, so religion was often talked about by people outside my family. I didn't understand it when I was really little- once I asked my mom something like "what's the little 't' people always have on their necklaces?" I also didn't know what church was, but I knew that kids around me always went to it with their families and played games there. I felt jealous, and I briefly begged my parents to go to church. As I moved up in elementary school, kids started teasing me and chasing me around, saying I would go to hell for being an atheist. One time, a boy even pinned me to a fence and said he wouldn't let me go until I admitted god was real. I felt lonely in my lack of belief, and went through a brief period where I prayed to a made-up "veggie god," kneeling in front of this big pin I had that said "veggie power!" Eventually I gave that up and became angsty about Christianity, deciding that if god thought I deserved hell for just existing, then he was horrible and I would never worship him even if he did turn out to be real. Thankfully, I got over this by high school and became less judgmental towards Christian peers.

What was your favorite meal or treat when you were a child? : I liked green apples because they were sour and I thought they were satisfying to crunch. I also liked rice-a-roni and catfish, though I stopped eating catfish after becoming vegetarian at the age of 9. For a while Sonic milkshakes were a frequent special treat. One summer our only car broke down, but despite its hardship my mom made it a fond memory because we would walk to Sonic during happy hour, get shakes, and then come home and play Tony Hawk on our PS2.

What was your favorite thing to do when you were a child? : Reading. I was never neglected, but without any siblings I often had to entertain myself, so I wormed my way through my school and county library. I especially loved the Magic Tree House and Goosebumps. My favorite activity with my family was hiking. The Ozarks are really beautiful, with bluffs, waterfalls, mossy forests, and abandoned homesteads. I don't think I visited more than once, but I remember hiking to see this big green pond with a pile of debris in the middle, in the center of which was an antique typewriter. Those things are really heavy! How did anyone manage to throw it all the way in there!?

What was one of your favorite movies when you were a child?: The Nightmare Before Christmas

Please describe any significant events from your childhood that you have carried with you throughout your life: I've already described the religious taunting, but I think experiencing that helped me deal with the transphobia I faced later in life. I realized early that sometimes no matter how hard you try, you won't live up to others' standards, and trying to conform to ideals that weren't made for you is futile. It's up to you to define yourself. I also carry all the cats I ever loved. There's nothing like being on your lonesome after a long day of tearing up grass, heading to the porch to find the neighborhood cat greeting you, and then laying together until the sun sets.

Do you still have any of your childhood mannerisms or qualities? : I continue to love books. I still occupy that weird space of being easily frightened but also fascinated by dark/spooky things - hate haunted houses and roller coasters, adore horror movies. Also vampires are still frickin rad. I still adore cats. I'm in college now, and sometimes I'll sit in my dorm room just absolutely yearning for a cat to snuggle. I can be pretty quiet but I think I'm generally less shy, and more confident. Nature is still awesome, and I frequently go on walks. Unfortunately, I still have a skin picking habit - I retain a lot of the weird fiddly motions I had in childhood. And thinking back to the story I had about holding that little dog ornament in the night - even if the joy of Christmas has faded, I continue to take joy in the simple coziness of darkness and a warm bed, thinking about the day.

Do you still reach for any of your childhood dreams/aspirations? : My childhood dream job evolution went kind of like this: soccer player -> filmmaker -> vampire princess -> archaeologist -> librarian -> philosopher -> masseuse. I'm currently aiming to be an archivist, which is sort of an archaeologist librarian? The vampire princess thing never worked out, but thankfully I became the closest thing (a goth man in a big coat). I remember I also just really really wanted to leave Arkansas. I went on a single road trip as a child, to New Mexico, and that made me realize that I could go someplace better, that I didn't have to spend so much time feeling weird and misunderstood. I achieved that. I'm studying in Minnesota. However, I'm thinking of going back to the south after graduate school, I want to make it a better place for all the weirdos. I want to work at an LGBT archive, and preserve the south's diverse history.

If you could say anything to yourself when you were a child, what would it be? : You make it out. I know how frustrating things can be, but eventually they stop mattering. Wherever the future goes, you will always get to feel the wind and the sunlight, and you will always be loved by someone. Every step forward is towards so many new and interesting things to learn, songs to dance to, and cats to snuggle.